Your life looks great on paper. Job title – check. Salary – decent. Busy calendar – impressively full.
You’re ticking all the boxes. So why does it feel like you’re running on empty?
Because those aren’t your boxes. You’re chasing someone else’s version of success and wondering why it’s so exhausting. That’s what this exhaustion test will help you figure out.
When success is designed by committee, not by you, you’re following a script written by people who don’t know what lights you up, what drains you, or what you actually want from your life.
But how do you know if that’s what’s happening? How do you tell the difference between a rough patch and fundamentally chasing the wrong definition of success?
That’s what this test is for.
How the Exhaustion Test works
Below are 10 scenarios that show up when you’re chasing success that doesn’t belong to you. Some point directly to the problem. Others are symptoms of it.
Most people skip the uncomfortable ones. Don’t. The scenarios that make you uncomfortable are the ones you need to pay attention to.
Read all of them.
Core Indicators
1. You describe your goals using other people’s words
‘Work-life balance.’ ‘Next step in my career.’ ‘Making an impact.’
These phrases sound borrowed because they are. Everyone uses them. Nobody defines them. They’re placeholders for success you haven’t actually thought about – absorbed from LinkedIn, motivational books, everyone around you telling you what success looks like.
When you try to explain what these goals actually mean to you, you struggle. You can articulate what success should look like but not what it would feel like if it were really yours.
Whose words are you using to describe your life?
2. Your actions don’t match what you say matters
You say health matters but you skip meals and don’t get enough sleep. You claim family is your priority but you work late every night. You talk about wanting creativity but you haven’t made anything in months.
There’s a gap between what you say you value and what you actually do. Not because you’re lying, but because you’re trying to chase both your values and someone else’s definition of success.
They don’t align. Your actions reveal what you’re really chasing.
If someone judged your values based solely on your actions, what would they think matters to you?
3. You’re constantly justifying your choices to yourself
You’ve got reasons for everything. Why you took that opportunity even though you’re exhausted. Why you haven’t started that project yet. Why your path makes sense even though it doesn’t feel right.
The explanations are logical, well-rehearsed, constant. You’re not convincing other people. You’re convincing yourself.
When you’re living your version of success, you don’t need to justify it.
Who are you trying to convince?
Supporting Symptoms
4. Achievements feel hollow
You hit the milestone. The recognition arrives. The thing you’ve been working towards for months finally happens.
For about 30 seconds, you feel satisfied. Then nothing.
The achievement happened. You’re living it. But it doesn’t feel like winning. The satisfaction is gone before you’ve finished celebrating. You’re already looking ahead to the next thing, hoping you’ll finally get whatever you’re chasing.
When did achievement stop feeling like winning?
5. The ‘right’ opportunities drain you
You’re getting opportunities everyone says you should be excited about. Opportunities successful people say yes to.
You should feel excited. Energised. Grateful.
You feel exhausted just thinking about it.
You tell yourself it’s imposter syndrome or fear of success. What if it’s simpler? What if this opportunity is someone else’s win, not yours?
Are you saying yes because it looks like success, or because it actually energises you?
6. You’re performing for an audience
The perfect LinkedIn post about your latest win. Making sure your achievements get mentioned in meetings. Dropping casual references to your success in conversation, watching for recognition.
When someone acknowledges your work, you get a hit of validation. But it doesn’t last. You need more.
You’re not living your life. You’re performing it.
What would success feel like if nobody was watching?
7. You’re always planning your escape
When this project ends. When you move cities. When you switch careers. When things calm down. That’s when real life begins.
But ‘after this’ never comes. There’s always another project, another reason to wait. The dream about somewhere or something else isn’t aspirational. It’s not even inspirational. It’s your brain avoiding the truth about where you are.
You’re not waiting for the right time or place. You’re avoiding the reality that what you’re doing doesn’t feel like yours.
Are you building towards something or planning your escape?
8. You resent people who make it look easy
They’re running their business, travelling, pursuing creative work, living a life that looks effortless. You tell yourself they’re lucky or privileged or don’t have your responsibilities.
But underneath the resentment, you know the truth. They’re doing what they want. You’re doing what you think you should.
Resentment isn’t a character flaw. It’s your compass pointing towards what you want but won’t let yourself pursue.
Who are you resenting, and what does that reveal?
9. You’re terrified of disappointing people
The opportunity you don’t want. The commitment that drains you. The path you’re following because walking away would disappoint your parents, your partner, your colleagues, your younger self.
You’ve built success designed to make other people proud. Now you’re trapped in it.
The fear of disappointing them is stronger than your desire to live authentically.
How much of what you’re chasing exists to avoid someone else’s disappointment?
10. You’re ticking boxes instead of building something
The degree. The title. The house. The next milestone. Each one should feel like progress.
Instead it feels like crossing something off a list. You’re collecting achievements like receipts – proof you’re doing it right. But none of them add up to a life that feels like yours.
You’re building a CV, not a life.
Are you collecting achievements or creating something that matters?
What your responses reveal
Scenarios 1-3 are core indicators. These directly point to chasing someone else’s definition of success.
Scenarios 4-10 are supporting symptoms. These show how that misalignment is affecting different areas of your life.
Now look at what resonated:
If you marked 2+ core indicators, you’re chasing someone else’s version of success. The supporting symptoms show you where and how it’s impacting you most.
If you marked fewer than 2 core indicators but recognized yourself in multiple supporting symptoms across different life areas, you might not be chasing wrong success systematically, but you’re dealing with patterns worth examining.
Now ask yourself: Are these isolated situations, or a pattern across your life?
What this means
You’ve just completed the exhaustion test. Whatever you discovered, recognising yourself in these scenarios isn’t a character flaw. It’s clarity.
You’ve been working hard. The exhaustion isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough. It’s because the success you’re chasing belongs to someone else, not you.
Once you see it, you can do something about it.
After the Exhaustion Test: what to do next
The first step isn’t working harder or finding more motivation (it’s unreliable anyway). It’s getting clear on what success actually means to you.
Not what it should mean. Not what looks impressive. What would genuinely feel like yours.
Download your Exhaustion Test Scorecard to see what your responses reveal about the patterns keeping you stuck. The scorecard includes space to mark which scenarios resonated, tally your score, and get clear next steps based on what you discovered.
Want to know more about my approach to sustainable energy systems? Learn about my background here.
