What if the success you’ve been chasing is actually draining your energy and leading you away from what you want?
You’re ticking all the boxes, following all the rules, doing everything ‘right’ – so why do you feel so tired?
You wake up on Sunday morning and think about the week ahead. Monday’s packed with meetings, Tuesday you’ve got that presentation, Wednesday there’s drinks with colleagues after work. Your calendar looks impressively busy. Your salary’s decent. You’ve got the flat, the car, the lifestyle that looks right from the outside.
So why does it feel like you’re running on a treadmill that’s going nowhere?
Here’s what nobody tells you about conventional success: it’s designed by committee, not by you. You’re following a script written by people who don’t know what lights you up, what drains you, or what you actually want from your life.
The result? You’re chasing someone else’s version of winning and wondering why it feels so exhausting.
1. Chasing career success is draining your energy
You’ve been in the same role for a couple of years. People keep asking when you’re going for promotion. Your manager hints that you should be thinking about ‘next steps’. LinkedIn is full of people celebrating their latest job titles. Everyone seems to be moving up except you.
So, you start working towards it. You volunteer for extra projects, stay late to show commitment, network with senior colleagues. You research what the next role involves and mentally prepare for more responsibility, longer hours, higher stakes.
But something doesn’t feel right. The promotion feels like something you should want rather than something you do want. You can’t shake the feeling that you’re just going through the motions, chasing other people’s expectations.
What’s really going on? You’re chasing external validation rather than internal satisfaction. You’ve bought into the idea that career progression equals success, but it might not be success for you.
The energy drain: This kind of success chasing is draining your energy because you’re working toward something you’re not sure you want. You’re spending energy on other people’s definition of success rather than what you want.
Questions to ask yourself:
- If nobody had told you that climbing the ladder equals success, how would you measure career satisfaction?
- Do you actually want this promotion, or do you think you should want it?
- What would the promotion give you? More money? Status? Different work?
- Could you get those things another way?
2. Chasing financial success is draining your energy
Every January you set a financial goal. This year you want to earn £5k more. Or £10k. Or finally break that six-figure barrier. You negotiate your salary, take on freelance work, maybe start a side hustle. Money becomes your scorecard.
You check your bank balance more often. You calculate hourly rates. You feel a buzz when a payment comes in and anxiety when an expected amount doesn’t appear. Your self-worth starts fluctuating with your income.
But the goal post keeps moving. Once you hit the target, it doesn’t feel as satisfying as you thought it would. So, you set a new, higher target. The chase continues.
What’s really going on? You’re trying to solve non-financial problems with financial solutions. Money becomes a proxy for security, freedom, or recognition – but it might not actually deliver those things.
The energy drain: Constantly measuring your worth in pounds creates mental exhaustion. You’re always calculating, always comparing, never satisfied.
Questions to ask yourself:
- When was the last time you felt genuinely satisfied with what you had?
- What do you think having more money will give you?
- Are there ways to feel secure/free/valued that don’t require earning more?
- What would be enough? And why that number?
3. Why busy-ness as success drains your energy
Your calendar is a work of art. Back-to-back meetings, networking events, social plans, family commitments. When people ask how you are, you say ‘busy’ with a mixture of pride and exhaustion. Being in demand feels like being important.
You schedule gym sessions at 6am because it’s the only slot free. You eat lunch at your desk because you’ve got ‘so much on’. You check emails on Sunday because Monday’s looking intense. Your busy-ness becomes your badge of honour.
But you can’t remember the last time you had a proper conversation with someone, or sat quietly without feeling guilty, or did something just because you felt like it in that moment.
This pattern of chasing busy-ness as success is draining your energy without delivering real satisfaction.
What’s really going on? You’ve confused being busy with being productive, and being in demand with being valued. Your packed schedule makes you feel important, but it’s also making you unavailable to your own life.
The energy drain: Constant motion without pause for reflection means you never stop to check if you’re moving in the right direction.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What are you avoiding by staying so busy?
- If your schedule was completely empty tomorrow, what would you choose to do?
- Are you busy with things that matter to you, or things that make you look important?
- What would happen if you said no to half the things in your calendar?
4. Getting recognition or being seen as successful
You want people to notice your achievements. You craft the perfect LinkedIn post about your latest project. You make sure your wins get mentioned in team meetings. You drop casual references to your successes in conversation.
Recognition feels like validation that you’re doing something right. When someone acknowledges your work, compliments your lifestyle, or asks for your advice, you get a hit of satisfaction. You matter. You’re successful.
But the high doesn’t last. You need more recognition to feel good again. And when your achievements go unnoticed, you feel invisible and undervalued.
What’s really going on? You’re outsourcing your self-worth to other people’s opinions. Your confidence depends on external validation rather than internal satisfaction with your choices.
The energy drain: Performing for an audience means you’re constantly managing other people’s perceptions rather than focusing on your own experience.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What would success feel like if nobody else was watching?
- How do you feel about your achievements when nobody else acknowledges them?
- Whose recognition matters most to you, and why?
- What would you do if you knew you’d never get credit for it?
5. Having your shit together or being everyone’s rock
You’re the one people turn to when they need advice. You never seem flustered, never admit to struggling, never ask for help. You’ve mastered the art of looking like you’ve got everything under control.
Friends call when they need someone to talk through a problem. Family members ask for your opinion on big decisions. Colleagues come to you when they’re stressed. Being needed feels good. Being seen as capable and wise feels like success.
But you’re exhausted from always being ‘on’. You can’t remember the last time you let someone see you struggle, or admitted you don’t know what to do, or asked for support. The person everyone leans on has nobody to lean on themselves.
What’s really going on? You’ve built your identity around being unflappable, but now you can’t let anyone see when you’re struggling.
The energy drain: Always being the stable one means you can never let your guard down or process your own challenges properly.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Who would you be if you weren’t everyone’s rock?
- When was the last time you asked someone for help or advice?
- What would happen if people saw you struggling sometimes?
- What kind of support do you wish you could ask for?
6. Being agreeable or never expressing what you want
You pride yourself on being easy to get along with. You never complain, never make demands, never rock the boat. When plans change, you’re flexible. When others need flexibility or understanding, you’re always willing to adapt. You’re the person who makes everyone else’s life easier.
Being agreeable feels like the right way to be. You’re not like those people who have strong opinions about restaurants or specific preferences about how they spend their evenings. You go with the flow, keep the peace, avoid being difficult.
But you’ve become so agreeable that you’ve lost touch with what you actually want. You default to whatever others suggest because having preferences feels selfish or demanding.
What’s really going on? You’ve confused being considerate with disappearing. Being agreeable has become a way to avoid conflict or disappointing others.
The energy drain: Constantly adapting to other people’s preferences while ignoring your own creates a deep sense of disconnection from yourself.
Questions to ask yourself:
- What do you actually need that you’re not asking for?
- When was the last time you expressed a genuine preference about something?
- What would you choose if nobody else’s opinion mattered?
- Are you being kind, or are you afraid of being seen as difficult?
Stop chasing someone else’s definition of winning
Reading through this list, you probably recognised yourself in several scenarios. That’s not a character flaw – it’s human. We absorb messages about success from everywhere: family, friends, social media, society at large. Most of these messages aren’t designed with your specific life, values, and circumstances in mind.
The exhaustion you feel isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough. You’re chasing success in ways that drain your energy because these goals might not actually belong to you.
Success isn’t one-size-fits-all. Your version might look nothing like the conventional script, and that’s exactly how it should be.
The question isn’t whether you’re succeeding according to external standards. The question is whether you’re building a life that feels like yours.
Ready to define success on your own terms? Download your Personal Success Blueprint worksheet to identify which conventional success measures you’ve been chasing and create your own definition based on what actually matters to you. Sometimes the most successful thing you can do is stop trying to be successful in ways that don’t fit.
Want to know more about my approach to sustainable energy systems? Learn about my background here.
